I Run To You

I love this song by Lady Antebellum

 

This is the most perfect song to describe how I feel about DH.  This morning I was having a rough morning, just every day real life things getting to me and I started crying while he was on the phone.  I try not to do this often because I know it’s hard on him because he is so far away.  Yet he was not upset at all but instead just listened and showed sympathy.

It made me think about all my friends who have “vanilla” marriages and how often I listen to them talk about how alone they feel, and the fact that their husbands are never there for them.   I feel so lucky to have a DD marriage.  I know that no matter what I can always turn to him. I may end up getting spanked because of the way I handle something or the language I use but I would never trade not having spankings in my marriage for their marriages.  I may have boundaries and rules and consequences but I also have unconditional love, safety, security, laughter and so many others things that I don’t see in a lot of “vanilla” marriages.

Read Full Post »

2 lives

Sometimes I feel like I am leading 2 different lives.  I have my normal life the one in which I am a mother, wife friend and person and then the one in which we practice DD.  It’s a struggle at times because I wish the two lives really could become more one.  Yet I have to acknowledge the DD or any form of it is not accept at all in mainstream life.  If fact those people that are into S&M seem to get more acceptance then those that believe that a man has the right and the responsibility to discipline his wife.  DD does not define who I am yet when people learn that we practice it their opinion of me changes.  As much as I would love to say forget them, I will do and say whatever I want.  The price to pay is higher then I am willing to pay.  I want to have a normal life.  I want to say I am disciplined without people thinking I am crazy or need counseling.  I want to say I am a Bible believing mom who loves being at home with her kids, loves taking care of her family, has lots of friends, enjoys politics and yes I am disciplined!  That is who I am yet it seems in neither world I can be true to who I am.  Even in the spanking world those of us that maybe don’t do it for sexual pleasure ( though I will admit that there is a sexual side to it) don’t quite fit.  We’re seen as odd here too.  I am all of the things that I have mention and so much more.  So look out because I am here to stay and there are more of us out there then you would think.

Read Full Post »

Taking A Look

Like almost everyone at this time of year I have been taking an inventor of my life and my goals.  I have found it funny how much I have changed in the last two years.

When we first began DD I had hoped to get to a place that I would no longer need it but I don’t think I will ever reach that place now and  am ok with that.  It’s not that I can’t handle my own life I can and do for the most part.  I do enjoy the structure of DD though and I think I will feel at a loss without it.

I know that can sound odd especially coming from someone like me.  I am very self-sufficient and can take care of myself.  J doesn’t micro manage my life or my day nor do I need him to but it is nice to know that there are lines and boundaries.

In 2011 I want to work on organization, emotional stability and focus.  I know that those may sound like broad terms but in my own life I have broken them down even more.

1. Organization

• school work
• house work
• hobbies

2. Emotional stability

• Not always react based upon how I am feeling
• find my triggers and figure out how to control them

3. Hobbies

• Learn to sew
• Learn to knit

So those are the things I want to work on.

Read Full Post »

Things I am pondering…

1. That people who come here of their own free feel that they have the right to judge me.

2. That they think I will change myself to please them.

3. The way I can feel so completely and utterly free while submitting to a man.

4. How funny I think it is that J’s new puppy ate the Loopy John.

5. That in my professional life, there are lots of people who listen to what I have to say and in fact work to please me and jump when I say jump, yet at home I am the one that works to please another and I love it.

Read Full Post »

CDD and self esteem

So I recently had some comments posted to my blog about how much women like me disgust her.  How every women in a DD relationship has low self esteem and is crazy to allow her self to be abused this way.  A real man would never  agree to something like this and a real woman would never desire something like this.  She also went on to URGE me to go to counseling and to leave my husband.

Now you are probably asking yourself at this point how was I feeling, you know was I upset or maybe angry?  I was none of those things, in fact I found the whole thing quite sad and a little pathetic.  First off to judge me based solely on the fact that I am in a CDD marriage shows me how truly closed minded she is.  I have no problems at all with self esteem and am a very strong and accomplished women in my own right.  I have worked for many campaigns most of which have been successful.  I am well respected and sought after in my community.  I don’t submit because I feel like I am less then him, I submit because I choose to.  In fact I believe it takes a stronger woman to submit then it does to be a woman who fights and feels like they must be in control at all times.

Second I am not abused, very far from it in fact, I am one of the most spoiled women I know.  I am listened to, taken care of, treated like a lady.   I am constantly being bought gifts and my husband makes me one of the top priorities in his life.  He takes me out for dinner, takes me away for weekends, helps with the kids and the house.  He listens to my likes and dislikes and tries his best to keep things within those.  Now, does he also hold me responsible for my behavior?  Yes!  Does that mean I am abused?  They very idea is laughable!

I am spanked wife and I am proud of that.  I am proud that my husband will blister my bottom when needed.  I am Proud that I am married a man that I can’t push around.

Read Full Post »

Vaction almost over

So I have had the last two weeks off from work for the holidays and on Monday I have to go back to work.    Theses last couple of weeks have been great.  My husband and I have really reconnected and the time spent with the kids has been amazing.  I am so looking forward to a new year.  There are a few things I want to focus on over the next few months.  I thought I would share them here and hopefully having them out there in writing will help keep me more accountable.

So here we go:

• Turning over all control of the money and not worrying about it
• Becoming a lady of grace and submission
• Eating healthy and being more physically active
• Participating in a Bible Study
• Daily Bible reading
• Embracing the role of help mate and mother

So there you go.  Some of these will be easier then others.  Some have a lot to do with our DD lifestyle and others not so much.

Yesterday was a great start to my new commitments.  It was helpful that from the very beginning J took charge and set the tone for the day.  Making it clear that things were going to be done his way and I could question and throw a fit by all that would do is get me paddled.  I made the choice to just follow and it went great.  The children behaved all day and if an issue did arise then he was quick to handle it and I didn’t have to step up at all.

Read Full Post »

Putting ourselves out there

So I was recently having a conversation with a woman who was very upset that I allowed myself to be spanked when I did not follow the rules we had agreed upon before and she couldn’t get off the idea that if he could spank me why couldn’t I spank him? No matter what I said that’s what she kept coming back to. She had these idea that because my husband spanks me he is abusive and mean. That he is demanding and demeans me all the time. I spent quite a bit of time with her and realized that there is more tension and fighting in her marriage then in mine. That they played games with each other and were in a constant power struggle. It made me rethink why do I blog and why do I  run a group dedicated to this subject. I very quickly realized that I do it for women just like her. In hopes of getting them to realize that even though this lifestyle may not make sense it works. It’s healthy, I feel more listened to, cherished, protected,loved,cared for and safe then I ever have before in my life. I know where the boundaries are and I know that I can never push him away that he loves me enough not to allow me to do anything that would damage my self, our family or our marriage. I know that if I even try he will paddle me good and that it’s never worth the brief feeling of having my own way. I have someone in my life who I know if always weighing how there every decision he makes will affect me and always looking out for what is best for me.

So I began to ask her if she felt those ways about her husband and how he felt about her. I asked her how she was treated and she began to share how she feels ignored and neglected how they rarely have sex anymore and that she feels as if he could walk away from her at any minute. My next question was this would you be willing to follow a few rules such as: obedience,respect,honesty… in exchange for feeling all of the things that I feel, for getting rid of a lot of the negativity in your marriage and replacing it with love and respect? She didn’t reply for a while then I got not if it means being spanked.

I felt so sad for her that she would rather live in a miserable marriage then give her will and love over to another knowing that they would look out for you and protect you all because of a sore bottom occasionally.

I left the door open for her to contact me again but I know why I do what I do because there are people out there who need to hear the truth of this lifestyle.

Read Full Post »

Complete Submission???

As most of you who regularly read my stuff then you know I came to this lifestyle out of a belief that it is Biblical.  So I am posting something that I wrote in regards to a verse in the Bible.

In Hebrews 13:17 it says “Obey  them that have the rule  over you , and submit yourselves : for they  watch  for  your  souls , as  they that must give  account , that  they may do  it  with  joy , and  not  with grief  : for  that  [is] unprofitable  for you” I want to break these words down for you as they were broken down for me..

The word obey that is used in this passage is the word peithō it’s a verb implying continuous action and it means
to listen to,
obey,
yield to,
comply with
to trust,

The word rule comes from hēgeomai it is also a verb meaning to lead

a) to go before

b) to be a leader

1) to rule, command

2) to have authority over

The word hēgeomai is actuall dirved from the root word agō

1) to lead, take with one

a) to lead by laying hold of, and this way to bring to the point of destination: of an animal

b) to lead by accompanying to (into) a place

c) to lead with one’s self, attach to one’s self as an attendant

d) to conduct, bring

e) to lead away, to a court of justice, magistrate, etc.

2) to lead,

a) to lead, guide, direct

b) to lead through, conduct to: to something

c) to move, impel: of forces and influences on the mind

The word rule comes from agrypneō it is again a verb meaning

to be sleepless,

keep awake,

watch

2) to be circumspect, attentive, ready

The word give comes from apodidōmi this one is also a verb and means

1) to deliver, to give away for one’s own profit what is one’s own, to sell

2) to pay off, discharge what is due

a) a debt, wages, tribute, taxes, produce due

b) things promised under oath

c) conjugal duty

d) to render account

3) to give back, restore

4) to requite, recompense in a good or a bad sense

The next word account comes from  logos which is a masculine noun and the definition is:

e) anything reported in speech; a narration, narrative

f) matter under discussion, thing spoken of, affair, a matter in dispute, case, suit at law

g) the thing spoken of or talked about; event, deed

I think this verse very clearly is talking about those that have been given leadership over anpther person which definetly in my mind applies to a husband and wife relationship.  He will have to give an account for my soul and the way he watched over it or lead it.  Now does this absolve me of any or all responsiblity?  No, I don’t believe it does.  I will be required to give an account for the way that I followed him, the way I submitted.  The marriage instution was set up by God and is a sort of umbrella for the woman, if I choose not to obey, submit to and follow my huband then I am taking myself out from underneath the umbrella of protection and then an choosing to answer directly to God but if I choose to submit to him and follow him then he will be the one ultimately responsible for an acount.

I believe the verse also speaks of parents-child relationship, a pastor-congregation relationship pr any relationship where some one is placed in leadership over another person.

Read Full Post »

Been Away

Sorry all for the fact that I have been away for awhile but life got busy.  Work has been crazy, in fact I have been traveling a bit.  This is the first time I have traveled since we began DD. I was interested to see how this was going to go and how I  was going to do when I didn’t have his physical presence there to remind me of my role.  It was great!  I was able to see that this has truly became a heart change for me and not one just done out of fear of a spanking.  It is such a great feeling to know that even though I was not able to see him every day I still behaved in a way that would have been pleasing to him had he been there.

We are going to do a maintence spanking tonight, just as a physical reminder of place as his wife ad of my submission to him.  When we were discussing a spanking tonight I realized how much I love him and I love our new life.

Read Full Post »

It’s Tough Being A Woman… In Another Womans Shadow

Have you ever thought about the other women in your life.  No matter who we are or where we live.  We all have at one point or another or maybe currently are living in another woman’s shadow.

Maybe it’s our mothers, whether or not we place our self there we will always be looking back to see are we doing it the same way she did it?  It doesn’t matter whether we had a good mother or a bad one, if she taught us about being a godly woman or not.  Always in our own minds we will be comparing ourselves to her.  Even if we don’t want to follow in her footsteps we will make decision based upon doing things differently then she would.

Maybe it an ex wife or girlfriend.  Even if our SO knows they don’t want to be with them and we know that they have chosen us and love us, do we not compare ourselves to them.  It could be in the way the cooked,dressed, took care of the home, treated him or even in the bedroom.  We want to be better at everything!

Maybe it’s a co-worker, a old school friend,a mother-in-law or a sister but we all have another woman whose shadow we live in.  So how do we deal with it?  I was talking at work the other day with a friend a he made a said “You do you and I’ll do me”  which has really stuck with me.  It was a Bible study he heard once and I have to say I have been looking for it.  Yet I think that one quote says so much.  God created you with special talents and ways of doing things that are just you.  So for the last couple of weeks whenever I have been thinking of those “other” women I remind me self to just do me because that’s all I can do.

I think for those of us that are spanked this can even be tougher because we want so much to be submissive and to please him.  Or even worse we look at the “other” women who may have been in his life who did not submit  or who played games with him and manipulated him.  Then we have a tendency to feel prideful over it which eventually leads to us falling flat on our face.

Read Full Post »