I know I have not written in awhile but things have been crazy in my life. With DH gone for work out of state thing began to spin slowly out of control. I began to feel lost and wasn’t sure where things were going anymore. We ended up taking a break from DD.
I have learned from the last few months that when you are made to submissive
(whether it is a deep desire rarely spoken of or something that anyone can see) when you begin to deny those feelings things will begin to spin faster and faster out of control. Things got worse and worse between until we began to wonder if it was over, if we were done.
I am so thankful for two stubborn people who love each other and refuse to give up! We began to talk and to look deeply at what was wrong and how we each were feeling. We realized that when things began to get crazy instead of stopping DD we needed to step it up. We need to become more involved in DD.
I realized that DD is one of those things in my life that I need. It grounds me and allows me to know where I belong. I know what my job is in my world and how to interact with the one I love the most. When we began to lose it I no longer felt secure. I felt like I was losing myself and that caused me to spin wildly out of control. That was because I was losing myself, why I no longer knew where I belonged. Being submissive, is part of how I was born, it is a part of who I am, so when I left it behind, I was leaving a piece of myself behind. I was tossing a piece of myself out.
I know now that I can’t change it, I can’t fight it and I won’t be ashamed of it!
As those of you who read my blog on a regular basis know, my DH has been gone for a while with work. This has been a hard time for both of us. He is home right now for a visit before he has to go back.
I have slipped a lot in my language and my behavior with him gone a lot these last 6 months, so it has been decided that we will be doing a mini boot camp this weekend. I am expected to obey immediately and not to argue with him. We did a maintenance spanking last night and again this morning. I am a bit sore but not to bad. I’m sure that will change by the end of the day.
I know that I really need this time with him because last night I kept moving out of position even during the first few swats. This is a huge sign that I am not where I should be in terms of DD. I did do better this morning though, so maybe I’m not in as bad a place as I first thought.
This is the most perfect song to describe how I feel about DH. This morning I was having a rough morning, just every day real life things getting to me and I started crying while he was on the phone. I try not to do this often because I know it’s hard on him because he is so far away. Yet he was not upset at all but instead just listened and showed sympathy.
It made me think about all my friends who have “vanilla” marriages and how often I listen to them talk about how alone they feel, and the fact that their husbands are never there for them. I feel so lucky to have a DD marriage. I know that no matter what I can always turn to him. I may end up getting spanked because of the way I handle something or the language I use but I would never trade not having spankings in my marriage for their marriages. I may have boundaries and rules and consequences but I also have unconditional love, safety, security, laughter and so many others things that I don’t see in a lot of “vanilla” marriages.
I know I have blogged about the fact that some times it seems as if I live 2 lives. That I have my DD world and life and the my normal one but I have to say that they are both who I truly am and at times I struggle with the need to keep them separate. That being said I love when I can have a bit of an overlap.
This last week I was able to meet someone from my Dd life in my normal life. It was great. It really hit it off. We seem to have a good number of things in common and the same way of looking at life. I love when this happens, I love when I meet someone in RL that practices DD and we can develop a friendship. It is nice to have people around you who understand your life and the things that happen. In addition to this they will most likely end up moving to my area so I will get to spend some time getting to know them better and hopefully have some RL friendship who are close enough to spend time with.
I received my first switching this last weekend. I hadn’t really done anything wrong but we needed to reconnect. We were camping so there were not a lot of options so he decided to go with a switch. I tried to talk him into just using his hand but failed miserably. Since this was the first time I had felt a switch and I wasn’t in trouble he allowed me to keep my panties up (rarely happens) and he didn’t use full force.
It still stung like the dickens!!! I have always had a fear of the belt and the switch but he had never used one before. All I know is that I hope I never have to experience one when I am in trouble. The sting was awful and the way it would wrap around and strike other parts was awful.
So I promise to be a very good girl from here on out!
I love being married. I know that should be given that if you are married then you love but that’snot always the case. Let me be a little more specific here. I love the kind of marriage that I have. I love the fact that he will hold me accountable for how I behave. When I was younger, before we were married, I never thought that I would be a submissive woman. I had bought into the ideas of feminism and female power. I thought that to be strong I had to be loud and brash. I believed that I always had to compete with men to prove that I was just as good as they were. The funny thing is that in my marriage I have learned that womans strength is not if forcing her way upon her husband but in being his support. In talking to him about her thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner.
I love knowing that there are boundaries in my marriage and consequences for overstepping them. I have more freedom inside my DD marriage then I did outside of it. I know now that I am just as good as any man but that my roles and place in life is different. I am a strong woman with many dreams and desires both inside and outside of my home but now that I have fully embraced all that it means to be a woman I am at peace.
Recently DH had to go out of state to find work. I feel very blessed to have a husband who is willing to do whatever it takes to support our family. So far things have gone well, I’ve just been thinking about submission from a for and what does it mean. For me it means making sure that I handle things on my end the way that I know he wants them handled. To take care of the house, bill, children and anything else that comes up the same way that he would. If I don’t know how to handle then call or text to see ow he wants it done. In some ways I thinks it’s harder to be submissive this way but in others because he’s not right here I am finding him always on my mind which is making it easier to make decisions the way I know he would want them made.
Sometimes I feel like I am leading 2 different lives. I have my normal life the one in which I am a mother, wife friend and person and then the one in which we practice DD. It’s a struggle at times because I wish the two lives really could become more one. Yet I have to acknowledge the DD or any form of it is not accept at all in mainstream life. If fact those people that are into S&M seem to get more acceptance then those that believe that a man has the right and the responsibility to discipline his wife. DD does not define who I am yet when people learn that we practice it their opinion of me changes. As much as I would love to say forget them, I will do and say whatever I want. The price to pay is higher then I am willing to pay. I want to have a normal life. I want to say I am disciplined without people thinking I am crazy or need counseling. I want to say I am a Bible believing mom who loves being at home with her kids, loves taking care of her family, has lots of friends, enjoys politics and yes I am disciplined! That is who I am yet it seems in neither world I can be true to who I am. Even in the spanking world those of us that maybe don’t do it for sexual pleasure ( though I will admit that there is a sexual side to it) don’t quite fit. We’re seen as odd here too. I am all of the things that I have mention and so much more. So look out because I am here to stay and there are more of us out there then you would think.
Like almost everyone at this time of year I have been taking an inventor of my life and my goals. I have found it funny how much I have changed in the last two years.
When we first began DD I had hoped to get to a place that I would no longer need it but I don’t think I will ever reach that place now and am ok with that. It’s not that I can’t handle my own life I can and do for the most part. I do enjoy the structure of DD though and I think I will feel at a loss without it.
I know that can sound odd especially coming from someone like me. I am very self-sufficient and can take care of myself. J doesn’t micro manage my life or my day nor do I need him to but it is nice to know that there are lines and boundaries.
In 2011 I want to work on organization, emotional stability and focus. I know that those may sound like broad terms but in my own life I have broken them down even more.
1. Organization
school work
house work
hobbies
2. Emotional stability
Not always react based upon how I am feeling
find my triggers and figure out how to control them
1. That people who come here of their own free feel that they have the right to judge me.
2. That they think I will change myself to please them.
3. The way I can feel so completely and utterly free while submitting to a man.
4. How funny I think it is that J’s new puppy ate the Loopy John.
5. That in my professional life, there are lots of people who listen to what I have to say and in fact work to please me and jump when I say jump, yet at home I am the one that works to please another and I love it.
I am really struggling with allowing my oldest son(13) to grow up and beyond me. I feel like he is reaching the point where he no longer looks to me to be the guiding influence in his life. Now I know that this a normal growth point but I can’t help but feel like I am no longer important in his life. I know this really has nothing to do with DD but it does have to do with my life and I know that I am not the only mom who has had to go through this. J and I have knocked heads over this a few times, not to the point of discipline but I have come to realize that as long as I was the main guiding voice for the children it was good but when that was no longer the case I began to question every decision that he makes in regards to our son. I am fighting for control of it even though I know it’s not for the best.
So I just got this book today and am really excited about it. I have been wanting to read this book for awhile now even the subtitle speaks to me, How the Ideal Woman Awakens A Man’s Deepest Love and Tenderness, I love the idea of becoming his ideal woman. I think as I read this I will be blogging about it quite a bit. Now, this book is not necessarily CDD related but it is written with the idea of serving and submission.
So DH and I are going out of town this weekend. Just the two of us, I am so thrilled. I love spending time with him alone. Plus it’s time to spend some fun alone time having amazing loud sex which is hard to do with 3 kids in the house all the time. We really need this tine to reconnect.
So I recently had some comments posted to my blog about how much women like me disgust her. How every women in a DD relationship has low self esteem and is crazy to allow her self to be abused this way. A real man would never agree to something like this and a real woman would never desire something like this. She also went on to URGE me to go to counseling and to leave my husband.
Now you are probably asking yourself at this point how was I feeling, you know was I upset or maybe angry? I was none of those things, in fact I found the whole thing quite sad and a little pathetic. First off to judge me based solely on the fact that I am in a CDD marriage shows me how truly closed minded she is. I have no problems at all with self esteem and am a very strong and accomplished women in my own right. I have worked for many campaigns most of which have been successful. I am well respected and sought after in my community. I don’t submit because I feel like I am less then him, I submit because I choose to. In fact I believe it takes a stronger woman to submit then it does to be a woman who fights and feels like they must be in control at all times.
Second I am not abused, very far from it in fact, I am one of the most spoiled women I know. I am listened to, taken care of, treated like a lady. I am constantly being bought gifts and my husband makes me one of the top priorities in his life. He takes me out for dinner, takes me away for weekends, helps with the kids and the house. He listens to my likes and dislikes and tries his best to keep things within those. Now, does he also hold me responsible for my behavior? Yes! Does that mean I am abused? They very idea is laughable!
I am spanked wife and I am proud of that. I am proud that my husband will blister my bottom when needed. I am Proud that I am married a man that I can’t push around.
After coming across what seemed to be the 4000th or so post on someone’s blog starting with “I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while.” I decided it is time to rethink what makes a good blog and the expectations that have come to be part of it. I am thinking that no one should utter those words again . . .and with that thought I give you Blogging Without Obligation. If you feel the same way feel free to grab the logo, make a logo or whatever you would like to do! I release all the logos, thoughts and words mentioned here about this concept into the public domain. Take the idea and run with it. . .or walk away. It is all good.
Because you shouldn’t have to look at your blog like it is a treadmill.
Because its okay to just say what you have to say. If that makes for a long post, fine. Short post, fine. Frequent post, fine. Infrequent post, fine.
Because its okay to not always be enthralled with the sound of your own typing.
Because sometimes less is more.
Because only blogging when you feel truly inspired keeps up the integrity of your blog.
Because they are probably not going to inscribe your stat, link and comment numbers on your tombstone.
Because for most of us blogging is just a hobby. A way to express yourself and connect with others. You should not have to apologize for lapses in posts. Just take a step back and enjoy life, not everything you do has to be “bloggable”.
Because if you blog without obligation you will naturally keep your blog around longer, because it won’t be a chore. Plus, just think you will be doing your part to eradicate post pollution. One post at a time. . .
So we got a new paddle this week, a friend of mine made it and out of respect for the fact that I am a girly girl she painted it pink and placed pretty butterfly’s and ladybugs on it. I love things that show off I am a girl but this was the first time I have had a paddle that showed it. It also creates quite a sting. so whats your favorite implement?
So this is a big issue in most households and one with having 3 kids ourselves we have had to deal with. We are not the kind of couple where we wait until the kids are all out of the house, we have tried and just doesn’t really work for us. So we have to try and figure out how to do this with children. We have come up with a number of ways and I thought I would share them below.
Quite Implements-There are a number of implements that can produce quite a sting with relatively little noise.
SO I have been working on a homemaking journal to help me keep to a better schedule and more organized. Organization is one of weaknesses and one of the things that J really wants in his home. This is an area in which I need improvement. I have asked him to hold me accountable in this area and he has agreed. I have create a homemaking journal and every night will bring it to him and he will look it over and make sure I have done everything that I needed to for the day. There are also places for him to write in things that he would like to have done.
I am really hoping that this will help me with keeping the boys on track, the house neat and organized and that it will create less stress in the house. I really want our home to be a place that J enjoys coming home to. His refuge, his safe place.
For every item that is not done I will be spanked. The more that are undone the more severe the spanking. Then after the spanking I will be required to complete the tasks.
We practice the 4 D’s in our house. I will give a brief synopsis for those that have never heard of them. What it means is that I can be discipline for anything I do that falls within these 4 things
Disrespect
Disobedience
Damaging behavior
Dishonesty
It has really simplified things here in our home as I cannot argue that what I did was right or justify it. If it can fall within one of the D’s then I can be disciplined for it. Well for the last few months instead of disciplining according to the 4 D’s it’s been more about me pushing him and then when I have pushed to far he spanks. We have been discussing this and how frustrated I feel because there are no real clear boundaries. When I don’t have boundaries then I tend to push to find then line, what this has created in our house is an atmosphere of stress and tension. So we have decided that each and every time I break a D there will be immediate consequences.
I am hoping that this will reestablish some of the harmony in our house and also get me back on track with my behavior in terms of what is acceptable and what is not. I will feel safe and more secure knowing that there are rules and boundaries in place and he will no longer feel like I am constantly pushing him. Now, I know that this very well could mean a sore bottom for the next few days but in spite of that I am still looking forward to the peace and the harmony.
So I have had the last two weeks off from work for the holidays and on Monday I have to go back to work. Theses last couple of weeks have been great. My husband and I have really reconnected and the time spent with the kids has been amazing. I am so looking forward to a new year. There are a few things I want to focus on over the next few months. I thought I would share them here and hopefully having them out there in writing will help keep me more accountable.
So here we go:
Turning over all control of the money and not worrying about it
Becoming a lady of grace and submission
Eating healthy and being more physically active
Participating in a Bible Study
Daily Bible reading
Embracing the role of help mate and mother
So there you go. Some of these will be easier then others. Some have a lot to do with our DD lifestyle and others not so much.
Yesterday was a great start to my new commitments. It was helpful that from the very beginning J took charge and set the tone for the day. Making it clear that things were going to be done his way and I could question and throw a fit by all that would do is get me paddled. I made the choice to just follow and it went great. The children behaved all day and if an issue did arise then he was quick to handle it and I didn’t have to step up at all.
So yesterday was rough for me. I got myself into some serious trouble with my mouth. Then when I didn’t feel like a spanking was deserved I was less than submissive about it. Of course in the end I was spanked and pretty badly. I still have welts today. I am wondering why I have such a hard time submitting when I disagree and it shows me how far I still have to go in learning to submit and for submission to be my first response. At times I feel so frustrated that I can’t seem to get a handle on this and respond the way I know I should and the way I know that I want to. Why does this have to be so hard? I hate this I feel like a failure, why is my first response to fight back and to try to get my own way. When will I just submit, even if I disagree with what is going on. We have talked and I have agreed that discipline is when and how he thinks it is needed not when and how I think it is needed and I do fine until I feel like it is not deserved at all then the fight is on. Sometimes I feel like I am the only woman who struggles with this. I do know that I will continue to grow and to learn until I get this right.
I don’t do this kind of stuff often but here is a link to a really cool give away. You do have to be a member at fet life but it is free click here to enter contest
I have added a page to the site that lists spanking sites and blogs that I enjoy. Please take a moment to check it out. Also I will be uploading a video from Cali Cutie Spanking within the next few days please take a moment to check it out it is a good example of what a DD marriage looks like. This is a couple who truly love each other.
So I was recently having a conversation with a woman who was very upset that I allowed myself to be spanked when I did not follow the rules we had agreed upon before and she couldn’t get off the idea that if he could spank me why couldn’t I spank him? No matter what I said that’s what she kept coming back to. She had these idea that because my husband spanks me he is abusive and mean. That he is demanding and demeans me all the time. I spent quite a bit of time with her and realized that there is more tension and fighting in her marriage then in mine. That they played games with each other and were in a constant power struggle. It made me rethink why do I blog and why do I run a group dedicated to this subject. I very quickly realized that I do it for women just like her. In hopes of getting them to realize that even though this lifestyle may not make sense it works. It’s healthy, I feel more listened to, cherished, protected,loved,cared for and safe then I ever have before in my life. I know where the boundaries are and I know that I can never push him away that he loves me enough not to allow me to do anything that would damage my self, our family or our marriage. I know that if I even try he will paddle me good and that it’s never worth the brief feeling of having my own way. I have someone in my life who I know if always weighing how there every decision he makes will affect me and always looking out for what is best for me.
So I began to ask her if she felt those ways about her husband and how he felt about her. I asked her how she was treated and she began to share how she feels ignored and neglected how they rarely have sex anymore and that she feels as if he could walk away from her at any minute. My next question was this would you be willing to follow a few rules such as: obedience,respect,honesty… in exchange for feeling all of the things that I feel, for getting rid of a lot of the negativity in your marriage and replacing it with love and respect? She didn’t reply for a while then I got not if it means being spanked.
I felt so sad for her that she would rather live in a miserable marriage then give her will and love over to another knowing that they would look out for you and protect you all because of a sore bottom occasionally.
I left the door open for her to contact me again but I know why I do what I do because there are people out there who need to hear the truth of this lifestyle.
I just love the Christmas season even though it is very busy and hectic it is one of my favorites. One of the things that I enjoy the most is the time that my husband and I get to spend together. I love the extra time. I love being able to pick out a gift that will show him just how much he means to me. I enjoy the two weeks off from my job that allow to focus on him and to be the “housewife” that I so desire. I love having a good meal ready for him and a sparkling clean house. I enjoy being a housewife and did that for many years. For me there is nothing more satisfying then having him walk through the door at the end of the day to a good meal, all the homework done, a clean house and a wife who has nothing at all on her mind but taking care of him. It helps me to feel so submissive knowing that my day has been spent making sure that his life is neat, orderly and calm.
Okay so we have been living this life for a while and you would think I was beyond making the stupid mistakes of someone just beginning this life, but nope not me. We have a rule that I am not to use my debit card from our joint account or write a check without talking to him first. Last night I went online and paid a bill out of the joint account without talking to him. When he asked me about the charge on the card I panicked and lied to him about it. I know I know stupid but I did it. Why did I panic I’m not sure there could be a number of reasons; 1. I had just gotten a pretty bad spanking the day before and my bottom is still bruised, 2. I’m crazy, 3. I seem to be pushing my boundaries a bit. It could any or maybe even all of those reasons but none of them is a good excuse for disobedience or dishonest in our house.
Last night after we went to bed I couldn’t sleep well and he even made a comment about the fact that I seemed withdrawn and standoffish. About 11:00 am my conscious finally got to me and I called him and told him the truth. I feel better for being honest even though I know I will be getting a pretty intense spanking this evening. I also had to write him a letter explaining which of the 4D’s I had broken and why. That was really hard and I really dislike having to do those sorts of things but I know why he has me do them because it reinforces the lesson I will be learning when he gets to paddling my bottom.
So my Birthday was this weekend and boys did my husband do a good job of taking care of me. I think that sometimes people look at those of us in a DD relationship and believe that it’s always about the power exchange and him being in charge and me being submissive but there is so much more to it then that. This weekend he made a huge effort to show me how much I mean to him and how important I am in his life. He started by taking me out Saturday to a special dinner just the two of us, then Sunday he woke me up with gifts from the boys and him. After church there was a surprise party for me I had so much fun and really enjoyed all the special attention from him. I don’t know why the idea is out there that because we spank and practice a Male led household that he can’t be gentle, that is so not true, in fact most of the men I know are in fact more gentle and much more aware of the way they treat their wives. They know that their every word is listen to and that we give their every desire our highest preference and try our utmost to please them. We don’t do this out of fear but out of our desire to please them.
As most of you who regularly read my stuff then you know I came to this lifestyle out of a belief that it is Biblical. So I am posting something that I wrote in regards to a verse in the Bible.
In Hebrews 13:17 it says “Obey them that have the rule over you , and submit yourselves : for they watch for your souls , as they that must give account , that they may do it with joy , and not with grief : for that [is] unprofitable for you” I want to break these words down for you as they were broken down for me..
The word obey that is used in this passage is the word peithō it’s a verb implying continuous action and it means
to listen to,
obey,
yield to,
comply with
to trust,
The word rule comes from hēgeomai it is also a verb meaning to lead
a) to go before
b) to be a leader
1) to rule, command
2) to have authority over
The word hēgeomai is actuall dirved from the root word agō
1) to lead, take with one
a) to lead by laying hold of, and this way to bring to the point of destination: of an animal
b) to lead by accompanying to (into) a place
c) to lead with one’s self, attach to one’s self as an attendant
d) to conduct, bring
e) to lead away, to a court of justice, magistrate, etc.
2) to lead,
a) to lead, guide, direct
b) to lead through, conduct to: to something
c) to move, impel: of forces and influences on the mind
The word rule comes from agrypneō it is again a verb meaning
to be sleepless,
keep awake,
watch
2) to be circumspect, attentive, ready
The word give comes from apodidōmi this one is also a verb and means
1) to deliver, to give away for one’s own profit what is one’s own, to sell
2) to pay off, discharge what is due
a) a debt, wages, tribute, taxes, produce due
b) things promised under oath
c) conjugal duty
d) to render account
3) to give back, restore
4) to requite, recompense in a good or a bad sense
The next word account comes from logos which is a masculine noun and the definition is:
e) anything reported in speech; a narration, narrative
f) matter under discussion, thing spoken of, affair, a matter in dispute, case, suit at law
g) the thing spoken of or talked about; event, deed
I think this verse very clearly is talking about those that have been given leadership over anpther person which definetly in my mind applies to a husband and wife relationship. He will have to give an account for my soul and the way he watched over it or lead it. Now does this absolve me of any or all responsiblity? No, I don’t believe it does. I will be required to give an account for the way that I followed him, the way I submitted. The marriage instution was set up by God and is a sort of umbrella for the woman, if I choose not to obey, submit to and follow my huband then I am taking myself out from underneath the umbrella of protection and then an choosing to answer directly to God but if I choose to submit to him and follow him then he will be the one ultimately responsible for an acount.
I believe the verse also speaks of parents-child relationship, a pastor-congregation relationship pr any relationship where some one is placed in leadership over another person.
Sorry all for the fact that I have been away for awhile but life got busy. Work has been crazy, in fact I have been traveling a bit. This is the first time I have traveled since we began DD. I was interested to see how this was going to go and how I was going to do when I didn’t have his physical presence there to remind me of my role. It was great! I was able to see that this has truly became a heart change for me and not one just done out of fear of a spanking. It is such a great feeling to know that even though I was not able to see him every day I still behaved in a way that would have been pleasing to him had he been there.
We are going to do a maintence spanking tonight, just as a physical reminder of place as his wife ad of my submission to him. When we were discussing a spanking tonight I realized how much I love him and I love our new life.
I know I posted about the earlier in my post title Blistered Bottom but I am still struggling with it. Last night I made and off handed comment to J about not being a good mom and boy did that set him off. So last night I got paddled for it again. 1. Because he says it’s a lie and in out house lying is a HUGE No-No and then also because it shows that I don’t trust him to make good decision because he chose to marry me and why would he coose to marry someone who is not a good mother. Then after he was done lecturing and spanking he kept making me repeat that I am a good mother.
The last few weeks things have been pretty hectic around our house and things have gotten a little out of balance so he told me last night we are going to re establish the balance in our house so I cannot disagree with him for the next week about anything no matter what he says I am to tell him Yes Sir. This will be hard not that I argue with him a lot but I am use to being able to express my thoughts , feelings and opnions on any given matter. Yet, at the same time I needed him to re-establish the power exchange in our house and to kind of reign me in as I had notice my tounge was getting sharper and was trying to pull myself in but just couldn’t seem to get a hold on it.
This morning I feel so at peace and secure. I still am amazed at how this life really does workand how when you do things God’s way with the man running the house with love and care for those he is responsible for it works and things are peaceful and happy. I need my husband to be strong enough to whip my bottom good.
Why is that some men just assume that because you are in a DD relationship that it automatically makes you under the authority of any and all men that you come into contact with. When you refuses to submit to them they start creating issues and then your husband an email. LOL!!!! Like he would spank me because I refused to obey another man, like he would just believe you without asking me and hearing what I have to say and most importantly like I haven’t been telling him what was going on from the very beginning.
These men are nuts and are using loving discipline as a excuse to run over women in general. This is wrong and some of the worst kind of abuse women have to deal with. Just because I choose to submit to my husband does NOT make me submissive to every man on-line who I come into contact with. I am strong, powerful, intelligent woman and the last thing I need is some uneducated man that wants to call himself a top or a dominant trying to tell me how to run my life. Then to go off on my and tell me that you refuse to submit to my authority because I don’t want to listen to you. You are crazy. I have never have asked you to submit to my authority and if you are soooo weak that a woman standing up to you and saying NO I have a husband and e is the only man I have to answer to sends you into a temper tantrum then you are no real man!!!
So like the titled said in course of the last two days I have had my bottom blistered. Last night I got stubborn about the spanking he wanted to give and it became a battle of wills. I was not physically fighting the spanking but I was emotionally fighting it. I was determined not to make sound or let him know how bad it was hurting. So he spanked and then sent me to the corner then called me back and spanked some more. I was still not crying at that point so he stopped and began rubbing my back and to be honest I was thinking HA HA I won this one. Then he starts to reiterate what he was thinking and how my attitude and behavior was hurting the family! Okay , not fair then he picks up the paddle and starts in again. That’s when I break and finally start crying. So yes my bottom was well blistered last night and I am sitting very gingerly but biy I needed it.
Then this afternoon we were talking and I start putting myself down again. So then he decides that I need to repeat a certain positive phrase about myself and I just couldn’t do it. So what does he do? He gets out the paddle and proceeds o redden my bottom again. I have a feeling that this may be a thing that happens often in the future as he wants me to start seeing myself in a positive light. Oh my poor red and sore bottom.
Yet I wouldn’t want it any other way, I need him to paddle me and to care what I think about myself enough that even when my bottom is already throbbing and very very sore he doesn’t hesitate to do it again if needed.
Have you ever thought about the other women in your life. No matter who we are or where we live. We all have at one point or another or maybe currently are living in another woman’s shadow.
Maybe it’s our mothers, whether or not we place our self there we will always be looking back to see are we doing it the same way she did it? It doesn’t matter whether we had a good mother or a bad one, if she taught us about being a godly woman or not. Always in our own minds we will be comparing ourselves to her. Even if we don’t want to follow in her footsteps we will make decision based upon doing things differently then she would.
Maybe it an ex wife or girlfriend. Even if our SO knows they don’t want to be with them and we know that they have chosen us and love us, do we not compare ourselves to them. It could be in the way the cooked,dressed, took care of the home, treated him or even in the bedroom. We want to be better at everything!
Maybe it’s a co-worker, a old school friend,a mother-in-law or a sister but we all have another woman whose shadow we live in. So how do we deal with it? I was talking at work the other day with a friend a he made a said “You do you and I’ll do me” which has really stuck with me. It was a Bible study he heard once and I have to say I have been looking for it. Yet I think that one quote says so much. God created you with special talents and ways of doing things that are just you. So for the last couple of weeks whenever I have been thinking of those “other” women I remind me self to just do me because that’s all I can do.
I think for those of us that are spanked this can even be tougher because we want so much to be submissive and to please him. Or even worse we look at the “other” women who may have been in his life who did not submit or who played games with him and manipulated him. Then we have a tendency to feel prideful over it which eventually leads to us falling flat on our face.
So I have been going through the Bible Study by Beth Moore on Esther. It has got me to think about my title. I think no matter what kind of childhood you had, who you are marry to , what your job it or how many kids you have that it is tough to be a woman.
So I thought I would like to ask the question of those that read my blog, do you think it’s tough and if so why? and if not why?
For the next few days I will share what I think is tough about it and how God wants us to handle it.
I wonder sometimes do we realize how much they hurt? I mean not the ones said that are meant to hurt but the ones where someone is trying to explain what they are thinking and how they are feeling yet they cut to the core of the person they are talking to.
Do we pay attention to what we are saying. In a relationship is it more important that you are heard then how your words may affect the person you are talking to? Do you feel like you have the right to say whatever you are thinking regardless of how the other person feel about it.
How do you respond when they say something that hurts you?
Do you feel in a DD marriage that this dynamic changes at all? How about the wife talking to the husband if he has done something to hurt her. How does she bring it up without being disrespectful? Sometimes it feels like no matter what he does to me that I need to only think happy thoughts towards him and that if there is anything other then that to express them is disrespectful and argumentative. I think maybe it is just his pride is such that he can’t bear to hear that he has hurt me. Yet, if I can’t share with him when he has and I can only exspress things he is cxomfortable with is this wy of life really a good thing?
I was just thinking that if you would have asked me 5 years ago I would never had thought I would be spouting the benefits of submitting to your husband. I also would never had guess that I would have been in the line of work I am in. Yet I love where I am at right now. So I guess what I am saying is that I just love life’s little surprises. So where will 5 years who knows but I am excitied to see where it goes.
So I had an email sent to me telling me how crazy I am for letting him spank me and that I must be twisted. Now I just had to laugh because I know that I am safer and more secure in my marriage then they are. Sure he warms my bottom when I deserve it but he also spoils me to death when he’s not doing that.
I have a man who listens to me, caress me, takes time to do the little things I enjoy and basically spoils me to death. Yes, he also is firm, tells me no when I need it, has rules and expectation for me. I wouldn’t want to live any other way.
You see I know that for us this is a lifetime love, even in the hard times we don’t talk divorce yet my friends who think I am crazy are constantly worried “is he cheating?” , “what if he leave?”,”does he really love me?” and other things along that line. I have none of those worries.
I am perfectly happy resting in his arms, even if it is with a sore bottom.
I know this is an issue that every woman is a DD relationship will face. A situation arises, a decision has to be made, You talk and he listens to your opnion but chooses do it differently then you want. Yet the only way it will work is for you to get on board with him. So you tell him that you will follow his choice and do your best to make it work. Yet, you are terrified and very unhappy. So how do you accept it and do your best while feeling this way?
For me it has never really been a big deal in the past but this, THIS is different. THIS could change our entire family, how interact, the way we live EVERYTHING! It’s not a situation a spanking will fix. It’s not something I either choose to obey or not obey but something I have to choose to accept. I love J and am trying very hard and can see why he made the choices he made and I’m not angry. I’m not happy either, yet that’s okay but how do I accept this and do my best when I am hating it and am miserable at it?
So today I had to cut ties with someone who I thought I was close with. They turned on me. I am feeling kind of down over it and wishing I could have found a way to fix it. Yet I feel very thankful that I know J is by my side. I was thinking about all the people I have lost in my life and how before DD I worried if he would be just another one who I would lose yet now in my submission, in the moment of my greatest weakness I feel more secure then any other time.
Why is that? Why is it that turning my will over to his allows me to feel so secure?
I realized a few days ago that I want to just give it all to him. I know longer want to try and get my way but I want to just give up and rest in his care and protection. Now I know this is easy to write but far harder to live out when the day to day life intrudes.
I go back to work on Monday and I am just praying that I will be able to hild on to this desire through getting the kids to school, working all day, coming home to take care of a family at night. I just feel like the life we have built together sometimes interfers to much in my desire to be with him.
So I have these thoughts running through my head for awhile now. Though I can talk to J about anything I just can’t seem to share these so I thought maybe if I put them here it might be easier to just ask him to read them. Warning if you are easily offended or very prudish you should probably stop reading now.
I have fantasized about a man strong and dominate for most of my life one that would love me and be gentle but also not afraid of me or my temper. I found one. He is not afraid to paddle my ass when it is needed and trust me they hurt and I try to avoid them. Yet when I am alone and my mind is fantasizing I can’t help but go back them and boy I get so turned on I almost can’t stand it. They hurt and when he decides to spank I would do anything to get out of it or get it to stop. So why are my nipples getting hard and my pussy starting to throb just writing this?
There I times I just want him to take me throw me down and use me! I’m not sure how else to say it I dream about him spanking me until I am an absoulte sobbing mess then spreading my ass and driving himself into it and fucking me until I can’t move just dominating me and totally owning me. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me and sick about me. I can’t tell him these thoughts because what if he rejected me and them or found the whole idea disgusting. Yet how hot would it be to have him come home tell me to go to the bathroom put me on my knees and have me suck until he was hard then bend over the sink and use me. I even dream about him cumming but not allowing me to. They’re is just something so appealing about the idea of him owning me, making me his.
Well I have gone on enough but barely touched the tip of the iceberg on this subject for me. I don’t think I am BDSM oriented yet why do I dream about this so much? And will I ever get the guts to share with him?
So I shared a bit about my crazy train last night. Well after we went to bed for the night it just got worse and continued on into today. He wanted to be gentle and love me out of what was going on and I needed him to be rough and to come down on me. I know that probably seems odd but it was just what I needed. I need him to act like a bully and force me to comply to his way. So I woke up this morning still feeling neglected and n0t cared for. Well, I’m not sure what finally clicked in his head but after an hour and a half of the two of us arguing and accusations flying back and forth he finally just had me bend over place my hand on a table and spanked me while telling me how he had more then enough of this attitude.
So now I feel better I was in no way trying to get him to spank me at that point in fact it was the last thing I wanted yet once he did I feel so much better.
Have you ever felt like you just took a ride on the crazy train? I feel like I just did. J did something tonight that really upset me now it’s something we have talked about before and he mentioned at lunch that he was thinking about it and I said okay. Yet when I found out he did it I got very upset and some nasty things and basically got an attitude with him.
So when we got home he took me downstairs and gave me a pretty rough spanking. Now you would have thought that would have solved the problem but NOPE!! Then I got even worse now I got less vocal but then all of the sudden it felt like we were in this stupid power struggle with him trying to get me to follow and me try to get my way in anything I didn’t really care what I just needed to win.
Now did I win of course not but it evolved from one little thing to all of the sudden he never cares for me and I am unimportant ti him, none of which is true by the way so why did I go there? Maybe it has to do with how much he has been working lately or my new job that I am not completley comfortable in yet? It could always be that I am just crazy? Guess I’ll give it a little more thought the problem is now I feel awful for having taken the crazy train ride and wish I could figure out how to get off it a little quicker or better yet never get on it in the first place!
So this is my first time doing a blog. So I will just take some time to introduce myself. My name is C and I have been with my husband J for 5 years. It is a second marriage for both of us but will be our last. From the beginning we talked about submission but it was so much easier to just talk then to put it into practice. A few months ago we decided to take the plunge and begin a full fledge CDD relationship. Since then the changes have been dramatic. Yes he has spanked me and yes it has hurt and I have cried, this is in a way secondary to the way our relationship has grown.
Before this I was unsecure in our relationship, worried that he was going to leave. I felt alone and scared. Now please don’t get me wrong I still loved him but did not feel special to him. He was distant and unconnected. Now when he feels disrespected or is upset with my behavior we handle it and we put it behind us. I now have no doubt how much he loves me and that I am the most important thing in his life. He takes time to talk to me and to listen. Plus I make sure he feels respected.
The reason that I have been asked to start this blog is that we want to share what we have found. I am not here to debate my lifestyle and our choice. I am a strong, intelligent, very successful woman. I am not weak willed, abused, brainwashed or part of a cult. I choose to submit to his discipline and leadership because I believe that is what the Bible says. Not because I am weaker or in any way less.
I have no idea how often I will post. I just want to share our journey both good and bad
Lovedandspankedwife's Blog 