Rough Day

So yesterday was rough for me.  I got myself into some serious trouble with my mouth.  Then when I didn’t feel like a spanking was deserved I was less than submissive about it.  Of course in the end I was spanked and pretty badly.  I still have welts today.  I am wondering why I have such a hard time submitting when I disagree and it shows me how far I still have to go in learning to submit and for submission to be my first response.  At times I feel so frustrated that I can’t seem to get a handle on this and respond the way I know I should and the way I know that I want to.  Why does this have to be so hard?  I hate this I feel like a failure, why is my first response to fight back and to try to get my own way.  When will I just submit, even if I disagree with what is going on.   We have talked and I have agreed that discipline is when and how he thinks it is needed not when and how I think it is needed and I do fine until I feel like it is not deserved at all then the fight is on.  Sometimes I feel like I am the only woman who struggles with this.  I do know that I will continue to grow and to learn until I get this right.

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Cool Give away

I don’t do this kind of stuff often but here is a link to a really cool give away.  You do have to be a member at fet life but it is free click here to enter contest

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Adding a page

I have added a page to the site that lists spanking sites and blogs that I enjoy. Please take a moment to check it out. Also I will be uploading a video from Cali Cutie Spanking within the next few days please take a moment to check it out it is a good example of what a DD marriage looks like. This is a couple who truly love each other.

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Putting ourselves out there

So I was recently having a conversation with a woman who was very upset that I allowed myself to be spanked when I did not follow the rules we had agreed upon before and she couldn’t get off the idea that if he could spank me why couldn’t I spank him? No matter what I said that’s what she kept coming back to. She had these idea that because my husband spanks me he is abusive and mean. That he is demanding and demeans me all the time. I spent quite a bit of time with her and realized that there is more tension and fighting in her marriage then in mine. That they played games with each other and were in a constant power struggle. It made me rethink why do I blog and why do I  run a group dedicated to this subject. I very quickly realized that I do it for women just like her. In hopes of getting them to realize that even though this lifestyle may not make sense it works. It’s healthy, I feel more listened to, cherished, protected,loved,cared for and safe then I ever have before in my life. I know where the boundaries are and I know that I can never push him away that he loves me enough not to allow me to do anything that would damage my self, our family or our marriage. I know that if I even try he will paddle me good and that it’s never worth the brief feeling of having my own way. I have someone in my life who I know if always weighing how there every decision he makes will affect me and always looking out for what is best for me.

So I began to ask her if she felt those ways about her husband and how he felt about her. I asked her how she was treated and she began to share how she feels ignored and neglected how they rarely have sex anymore and that she feels as if he could walk away from her at any minute. My next question was this would you be willing to follow a few rules such as: obedience,respect,honesty… in exchange for feeling all of the things that I feel, for getting rid of a lot of the negativity in your marriage and replacing it with love and respect? She didn’t reply for a while then I got not if it means being spanked.

I felt so sad for her that she would rather live in a miserable marriage then give her will and love over to another knowing that they would look out for you and protect you all because of a sore bottom occasionally.

I left the door open for her to contact me again but I know why I do what I do because there are people out there who need to hear the truth of this lifestyle.

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Holiday Season

I just love the Christmas season even though it is very busy and hectic it is one of my favorites.  One of the things that I enjoy the most is the time that my husband and I get to spend together.  I love the extra time.  I love being able to pick out a gift that will show him just how much he means to me.  I enjoy the two weeks off from my job that allow to focus on him and to be the “housewife”  that I so desire.  I love having a good meal ready for him and a sparkling clean house.  I enjoy being a housewife and did that for many years.  For me there is nothing more satisfying then having him walk through the door at the end of the day to a good meal, all the homework done, a clean house and a wife who has nothing at all on her mind but taking care of him.  It helps me to feel so submissive knowing that my day has been spent making sure that his life is neat, orderly and calm.

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Big Mistake

Okay so we have been living this life for a while and you would think I was beyond making the stupid mistakes of someone just beginning this life, but nope not me.  We have a rule that I am not to use my debit card from our joint account or write a check without talking to him first.  Last night I went online and paid a bill out of the joint account without talking to him.  When he asked me about the charge on the card I panicked and lied to him about it. I know I know stupid but I did it.  Why did I panic I’m not sure there could be a number of reasons; 1. I had just gotten a pretty bad spanking the day before and my bottom is still bruised, 2. I’m crazy, 3. I seem to be pushing my boundaries a bit.   It could any or maybe even all of those reasons but none of them is a good excuse for disobedience or dishonest in our house.

Last night after we went to bed I couldn’t sleep well and he even made a comment about the fact that I seemed withdrawn and standoffish.  About 11:00 am my conscious finally got to me and I called him and told him the truth.  I feel better for being honest even though I know I will be getting a pretty intense spanking this evening.  I also had to write him a letter explaining which of the 4D’s I had broken and why.  That was really hard and I really dislike having to do those sorts of things but I know why he has me do them because it reinforces the lesson I will be learning when he gets to paddling my bottom.

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