Life

I was just thinking that if you would have asked me 5 years ago I would never had thought I would be spouting the benefits of submitting to your husband.  I also would never had guess that I would have been in the line of work I am in.  Yet I love where I am at right now.  So I guess what I am saying is that I just love life’s little surprises.  So where will 5 years who knows but I am excitied to see where it goes.

Read Full Post »

Resting in his arms

So I had an email sent to me telling me how crazy I am for letting him spank me and that I must be twisted.  Now I just had to laugh because I know that I am safer and more secure in my marriage then they are.  Sure he warms my bottom when I deserve it but he also spoils me to death when he’s not doing that.

I have a man who listens to me, caress me, takes time to do the little things I enjoy and basically spoils me to death.  Yes, he also is firm, tells me no when I need it, has rules and expectation for me.   I wouldn’t want to live any other way.

You see I know that for us this is a lifetime love, even in the hard times we don’t talk divorce yet my friends who think I am crazy are constantly worried “is he cheating?” , “what if he leave?”,”does he really love me?” and other things along that line.  I have none of those worries.

I am perfectly happy resting in his arms, even if it is with a sore bottom.

Read Full Post »

Accepting

I know this is an issue that every woman is a DD relationship will face.  A situation arises, a decision has to be made, You talk and he listens to your opnion but chooses do it differently then you want.  Yet the only way it will work is for you to get on board with him.  So you tell him that you will follow his choice and do your best to make it work.  Yet, you are terrified and very unhappy.  So how do you accept it and do your best while feeling this way?

For me it has never really been a big deal in the past but this, THIS is different.  THIS could change our entire family, how interact, the way we live EVERYTHING!  It’s not a situation a spanking will fix.  It’s not something I either choose to obey or not obey but something I have to choose to accept.   I love J and am trying very hard and can see why he made the choices he made and I’m not angry.  I’m not happy either, yet that’s okay but how do I accept this and do my best when I am hating it and am miserable at it?

Read Full Post »

Cutting Ties

So today I had to cut ties with someone who I thought I was close with.  They turned on me.   I am feeling kind of down over it and wishing I could have found a way to fix it.  Yet I feel very thankful that I know J is by my side.  I was thinking about all the people I have lost in my life and how before DD I worried if he would be just another one who I would lose yet now in my submission, in the moment of my greatest weakness I feel more secure then any other time.

Why is that?  Why is it that turning my will over to his allows me to feel so secure?

Read Full Post »

Just giving it to him

I realized a few days ago that I want to just give it all to him.  I know longer want to try and get my way but I want to just give up and rest in his care and protection.  Now I know this is easy to write but far harder to live out when the day to day life intrudes.

I go back to work on Monday and I am just praying that I will be able to hild on to this desire through getting the kids to school, working all day, coming home to take care of a family at night.  I just feel like the life we have built together sometimes interfers to much in my desire to be with him.

Read Full Post »

Hidden Desires

So I have these thoughts running through my head for awhile now.  Though I can talk to J about anything I just can’t seem to share these so I thought maybe if I put them here it might be easier to just ask him to read them.  Warning if you are easily offended or very prudish you should probably stop reading now.

I have fantasized about a man strong and dominate for most of my life one that would love me and be gentle but also not afraid of me or my temper.  I found one.  He is not afraid to paddle my ass when it is needed and trust me they hurt and I try to avoid them.  Yet when I am alone and my mind is fantasizing I can’t help but go back them and boy I get so turned on I almost can’t stand it.  They hurt and when he decides to spank I would do anything to get out of it or get it to stop.  So why are my nipples getting hard and my pussy starting to throb just writing this?

There I times I just want him to take me throw me down and use me!  I’m not sure how else to say it I dream about him spanking me until I am an absoulte sobbing mess then spreading my ass and driving himself into it and fucking me until I can’t move just dominating me and totally owning me.  Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me and sick about me.  I can’t tell him these thoughts because what if he rejected me and them or found the whole idea disgusting.  Yet how hot would it be to have him come home tell me to go to the bathroom put me on my knees and have me suck until he was hard then bend over the sink and use me.  I even dream about him cumming but not allowing me to.  They’re is just something so appealing about the idea of him owning me, making me his.

Well I have gone on enough but barely touched the tip of the iceberg on this subject for me.  I don’t think I am BDSM oriented yet why do I dream about this so much? And will I ever get the guts to share with him?

Read Full Post »