Spanking and the blues

So there has been a lot going on in mt life this month.  I work in politics and as you can imagine things are crazy right now.  Plus with the electoral season coming to an end I found a full time job doing exactly what I like which is PR and working with the public but they needed me to start right away.  Then this weekend is my 30th Birthday and I can’t help but think about where I thought I would be in my life and where I actually am.  Last year I spent my 29th Birthday in the nursing home with my grandma and she was passing, now she didn’t actually leave until the day after  yet I  am missing her.  Which comes as a surprise because she had dementia and was not really herself the last five years anyways.

So this morning as we were both getting ready for work I realized I need to tell him what I am thinking and what is going on.  Yet, I am thinking he will probably want to do some spanking to help me get to the emotional release.  I don’t want a spanking though, I know that is probably what I need.  I think sometimes this is the hardest part.  The part of knowing you need one but not wanting to ask for it because you know it hurts.

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New Job

For most of our marriage I have been blessed to be able to stay at home with our kids.  With my youngest going to school full time this year I was asked to go back to work full time.  Now by no means have I just been hanging out at home, I have been very busy in the community.  Well, one of the contacts I made led to a great job and I started today.

I am feeling quite worried about it because I have a lot of things that I have just always taken care of in our house.  I am unsure how I am going to be able to get it all done and still take care of my HOH and husband.  I have tried talking to him but am not expressing myself well so he’s not really understanding.  I think my biggest fear is that I will fall behind in the things that he has set as my responsibilities and will be spanked.  Now I know this is crazy because we’ve already talked about adjustment time and the fact that I will have plenty of time to adjust to all of this.  Plus, I am suppose to tell him if I feel overwhelmed.  So I am most likely just over thinking this.  In the past he has always listen to my thought and concerns.

I think part of it comes from my need to be Superwoman.  You know the one woman who can do it all plus maintain her grace and ladylike manner.  He is quite often telling me that I hold myself to a higher standard then anyone could possible reach, I just  such a fear of failure.  Oh well guess it’s just proof that we all have our hang ups.

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My first post

So this is my first time doing a blog.  So I will just take some time to introduce myself.  My name is C and I have been with my husband J for 5 years.  It is a second marriage for both of us but will be our last.  From the beginning we talked about submission but it was so much easier to just talk then to put it into practice.  A few months ago we decided to take the plunge and begin a full fledge CDD relationship.  Since then the changes have been dramatic.  Yes he has spanked me and yes it has hurt and I have cried, this is in a way secondary to the way our relationship has grown.

Before this I was unsecure in our relationship, worried that he was going to leave.  I felt alone and scared.  Now please don’t get me wrong I still loved him but did not feel special to him.  He was distant and unconnected.   Now when he feels disrespected or is upset with my behavior we handle it and we put it behind us.  I now have no doubt how much he loves me and that I am the most important thing in his life.  He takes time to talk to me and to listen.  Plus I make sure he feels respected.

The reason that I have been asked to start this blog is that we want to share what we have found.  I am not here to debate my lifestyle and our choice.  I am a strong, intelligent, very successful woman.  I am not weak willed, abused, brainwashed or part of a cult.  I choose to submit to his discipline and leadership because I believe that is what the Bible says.  Not because I am weaker or in any way less.

I have no idea how often I will post.  I just want to share our journey both good and bad

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