2 lives

Sometimes I feel like I am leading 2 different lives.  I have my normal life the one in which I am a mother, wife friend and person and then the one in which we practice DD.  It’s a struggle at times because I wish the two lives really could become more one.  Yet I have to acknowledge the DD or any form of it is not accept at all in mainstream life.  If fact those people that are into S&M seem to get more acceptance then those that believe that a man has the right and the responsibility to discipline his wife.  DD does not define who I am yet when people learn that we practice it their opinion of me changes.  As much as I would love to say forget them, I will do and say whatever I want.  The price to pay is higher then I am willing to pay.  I want to have a normal life.  I want to say I am disciplined without people thinking I am crazy or need counseling.  I want to say I am a Bible believing mom who loves being at home with her kids, loves taking care of her family, has lots of friends, enjoys politics and yes I am disciplined!  That is who I am yet it seems in neither world I can be true to who I am.  Even in the spanking world those of us that maybe don’t do it for sexual pleasure ( though I will admit that there is a sexual side to it) don’t quite fit.  We’re seen as odd here too.  I am all of the things that I have mention and so much more.  So look out because I am here to stay and there are more of us out there then you would think.

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Taking A Look

Like almost everyone at this time of year I have been taking an inventor of my life and my goals.  I have found it funny how much I have changed in the last two years.

When we first began DD I had hoped to get to a place that I would no longer need it but I don’t think I will ever reach that place now and  am ok with that.  It’s not that I can’t handle my own life I can and do for the most part.  I do enjoy the structure of DD though and I think I will feel at a loss without it.

I know that can sound odd especially coming from someone like me.  I am very self-sufficient and can take care of myself.  J doesn’t micro manage my life or my day nor do I need him to but it is nice to know that there are lines and boundaries.

In 2011 I want to work on organization, emotional stability and focus.  I know that those may sound like broad terms but in my own life I have broken them down even more.

1. Organization

• school work
• house work
• hobbies

2. Emotional stability

• Not always react based upon how I am feeling
• find my triggers and figure out how to control them

3. Hobbies

• Learn to sew
• Learn to knit

So those are the things I want to work on.

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Things I am pondering…

1. That people who come here of their own free feel that they have the right to judge me.

2. That they think I will change myself to please them.

3. The way I can feel so completely and utterly free while submitting to a man.

4. How funny I think it is that J’s new puppy ate the Loopy John.

5. That in my professional life, there are lots of people who listen to what I have to say and in fact work to please me and jump when I say jump, yet at home I am the one that works to please another and I love it.

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Here we go…again

Okay, it has been forever since I have had a moment to post anything.  Between work, home school and computer problems life has been crazy.  I think things are going to slow down now.  I am happy to be back.  As things have been crazy it has only reinforced for me how much I need this life style.  I need him to be strong and to place those walls and boundaries around me.  I think I am beginning to accept that this is just who I am, how I was created.  It doesn’t have to seem normal to others, it doesn’t have to “fit in” with the rest of society to be right for me.  I have decided that I am just going to revile in what works for me and forget what I am “suppose” to do or know.

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