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Posts Tagged ‘loving domestic discipline’


I know I have not written in awhile but things have been crazy in my life. With DH gone for work out of state thing began to spin slowly out of control. I began to feel lost and wasn’t sure where things were going anymore. We ended up taking a break from DD.

I have learned from the last few months that when you are made to submissive
(whether it is a deep desire rarely spoken of or something that anyone can see) when you begin to deny those feelings things will begin to spin faster and faster out of control. Things got worse and worse between until we began to wonder if it was over, if we were done.

I am so thankful for two stubborn people who love each other and refuse to give up! We began to talk and to look deeply at what was wrong and how we each were feeling. We realized that when things began to get crazy instead of stopping DD we needed to step it up. We need to become more involved in DD.

I realized that DD is one of those things in my life that I need. It grounds me and allows me to know where I belong. I know what my job is in my world and how to interact with the one I love the most. When we began to lose it I no longer felt secure. I felt like I was losing myself and that caused me to spin wildly out of control. That was because I was losing myself, why I no longer knew where I belonged. Being submissive, is part of how I was born, it is a part of who I am, so when I left it behind, I was leaving a piece of myself behind. I was tossing a piece of myself out.

I know now that I can’t change it, I can’t fight it and I won’t be ashamed of it!

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As those of you who read my blog on a regular basis know, my DH has been gone for a while with work.  This has been a hard time for both of us.  He is home right now for a visit before he has to go back.

I have slipped a lot in my language and my behavior with him gone a lot these last 6 months, so it has been decided that we will be doing a mini boot camp this weekend.  I am expected to obey immediately and not to argue with him.  We did a maintenance spanking last night and again this morning.  I am a bit sore but not to bad.  I’m sure that will change by the end of the day.

I know that I really need this time with him because last night I kept moving out of position even during the first few swats.  This is a huge sign that I am not where I should be in terms of DD.  I did do better this morning though, so maybe I’m not in as bad a place as I first thought.

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I love being married.  I know that should be given that if you are married then you love but that’snot always the case.  Let me be a little more specific here.  I love the kind of marriage that I have.  I love the fact that he will hold me accountable for how I behave.  When I was younger, before we were married, I never thought that I would be a submissive woman.  I had bought into the ideas of feminism and female power.  I thought that to be strong I had to be loud and brash.  I believed that I always had to compete with men to prove that I was just as good as they were.  The funny thing is that in my marriage I have learned that womans strength is not if forcing her way upon her husband but in being his support.  In talking to him about her thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner.

 

I love knowing that there are boundaries in my marriage and consequences for overstepping them.  I have more freedom inside my DD marriage then I did outside of it.  I know now that I am just as good as any man but that my roles and place in life is different.  I am a strong woman with many dreams and desires both inside and outside of my home but now that I have fully embraced all that it means to be a woman I am at peace.

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Sometimes I feel like I am leading 2 different lives.  I have my normal life the one in which I am a mother, wife friend and person and then the one in which we practice DD.  It’s a struggle at times because I wish the two lives really could become more one.  Yet I have to acknowledge the DD or any form of it is not accept at all in mainstream life.  If fact those people that are into S&M seem to get more acceptance then those that believe that a man has the right and the responsibility to discipline his wife.  DD does not define who I am yet when people learn that we practice it their opinion of me changes.  As much as I would love to say forget them, I will do and say whatever I want.  The price to pay is higher then I am willing to pay.  I want to have a normal life.  I want to say I am disciplined without people thinking I am crazy or need counseling.  I want to say I am a Bible believing mom who loves being at home with her kids, loves taking care of her family, has lots of friends, enjoys politics and yes I am disciplined!  That is who I am yet it seems in neither world I can be true to who I am.  Even in the spanking world those of us that maybe don’t do it for sexual pleasure ( though I will admit that there is a sexual side to it) don’t quite fit.  We’re seen as odd here too.  I am all of the things that I have mention and so much more.  So look out because I am here to stay and there are more of us out there then you would think.

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Like almost everyone at this time of year I have been taking an inventor of my life and my goals.  I have found it funny how much I have changed in the last two years.

When we first began DD I had hoped to get to a place that I would no longer need it but I don’t think I will ever reach that place now and  am ok with that.  It’s not that I can’t handle my own life I can and do for the most part.  I do enjoy the structure of DD though and I think I will feel at a loss without it.

I know that can sound odd especially coming from someone like me.  I am very self-sufficient and can take care of myself.  J doesn’t micro manage my life or my day nor do I need him to but it is nice to know that there are lines and boundaries.

In 2011 I want to work on organization, emotional stability and focus.  I know that those may sound like broad terms but in my own life I have broken them down even more.

1. Organization

  • school work
  • house work
  • hobbies

2. Emotional stability

  • Not always react based upon how I am feeling
  • find my triggers and figure out how to control them

3. Hobbies

  • Learn to sew
  • Learn to knit

So those are the things I want to work on.

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So I just got this book today and am really excited about it.  I have been wanting to read this book for awhile now even the subtitle speaks to me, How the Ideal Woman Awakens A Man’s Deepest Love and Tenderness, I love the idea of becoming his ideal woman.  I think as I read this I will be blogging about it quite a bit.  Now, this book is not necessarily CDD related but it is written with the idea of serving and submission.

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So I recently had some comments posted to my blog about how much women like me disgust her.  How every women in a DD relationship has low self esteem and is crazy to allow her self to be abused this way.  A real man would never  agree to something like this and a real woman would never desire something like this.  She also went on to URGE me to go to counseling and to leave my husband.

Now you are probably asking yourself at this point how was I feeling, you know was I upset or maybe angry?  I was none of those things, in fact I found the whole thing quite sad and a little pathetic.  First off to judge me based solely on the fact that I am in a CDD marriage shows me how truly closed minded she is.  I have no problems at all with self esteem and am a very strong and accomplished women in my own right.  I have worked for many campaigns most of which have been successful.  I am well respected and sought after in my community.  I don’t submit because I feel like I am less then him, I submit because I choose to.  In fact I believe it takes a stronger woman to submit then it does to be a woman who fights and feels like they must be in control at all times.

Second I am not abused, very far from it in fact, I am one of the most spoiled women I know.  I am listened to, taken care of, treated like a lady.   I am constantly being bought gifts and my husband makes me one of the top priorities in his life.  He takes me out for dinner, takes me away for weekends, helps with the kids and the house.  He listens to my likes and dislikes and tries his best to keep things within those.  Now, does he also hold me responsible for my behavior?  Yes!  Does that mean I am abused?  They very idea is laughable!

I am spanked wife and I am proud of that.  I am proud that my husband will blister my bottom when needed.  I am Proud that I am married a man that I can’t push around.

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