I wonder sometimes do we realize how much they hurt? I mean not the ones said that are meant to hurt but the ones where someone is trying to explain what they are thinking and how they are feeling yet they cut to the core of the person they are talking to.
Do we pay attention to what we are saying. In a relationship is it more important that you are heard then how your words may affect the person you are talking to? Do you feel like you have the right to say whatever you are thinking regardless of how the other person feel about it.
How do you respond when they say something that hurts you?
Do you feel in a DD marriage that this dynamic changes at all? How about the wife talking to the husband if he has done something to hurt her. How does she bring it up without being disrespectful? Sometimes it feels like no matter what he does to me that I need to only think happy thoughts towards him and that if there is anything other then that to express them is disrespectful and argumentative. I think maybe it is just his pride is such that he can’t bear to hear that he has hurt me. Yet, if I can’t share with him when he has and I can only exspress things he is cxomfortable with is this wy of life really a good thing?
Just discovered your blog and really enjoy your writing. Thank you for being so open about your journey- it’s quite enlightening.
I had this experience recently while having a fairly casual conversation with my preferred Top. Something he said non-chalantly affected me profoundly, because I realized that it meant he and I could probably never have the kind of idealized relationship I dream about with him. It struck me to the core. It hurt. And yet it was TRUE, and I immediately recognized it. I think we both knew it had happened, but we chose not to address it at the time. It ended up biting me on the ass of course.
Anyway, thanks for the peek into a life I’ve always been curious about.
I have just broken up with a live-in girlfriend/submissive and this was a huge issue for us. It is something of a no-win situation many times as one party or both is going to be profoundly affected by the spoken words.
I think that if you can simply find the right way to tell him in a respectful manner you would be surprised how much more tolerance he will have to listen to a negative comment.
That being said it becomes extremely hard for a man to feel that his woman trusts him when this becomes a habit or is done disrespectfully and I can tell you firsthand I simply hate being made to feel that way by criticism poorly thought out and carried out. We are not just talking about spanking here either. This applies to almost anything in the relationship. If you want to simply dismiss it as “pride” or arrogance do so at your own peril. There are more than a few newly single girls around who could not control their tounge or dismissed their ex’s feelings as something wrong or not worth considering because they see pride as less than admirable when they are not getting their way.
Randy,
I think you make a very good point here. A man needs to feel respected and not just with our actions but with our words also.
loved,
Your realization of this makes J a man much blessed by fortune in his marriage choice.