Been Away

Sorry all for the fact that I have been away for awhile but life got busy.  Work has been crazy, in fact I have been traveling a bit.  This is the first time I have traveled since we began DD. I was interested to see how this was going to go and how I  was going to do when I didn’t have his physical presence there to remind me of my role.  It was great!  I was able to see that this has truly became a heart change for me and not one just done out of fear of a spanking.  It is such a great feeling to know that even though I was not able to see him every day I still behaved in a way that would have been pleasing to him had he been there.

We are going to do a maintence spanking tonight, just as a physical reminder of place as his wife ad of my submission to him.  When we were discussing a spanking tonight I realized how much I love him and I love our new life.

Self Image and spanking

I know I posted about the earlier in my post title Blistered Bottom but I am still struggling with it.  Last night I made and off handed comment to J about not being a good mom and boy did that set him off.  So last night I got paddled for it again.  1. Because he says it’s a lie and in out house lying is a HUGE  No-No and then also because it shows that I don’t trust him to make good decision because he chose to marry me and why would he coose to marry someone who is not a good mother.  Then after he was done lecturing and spanking he kept making me repeat that I am a good mother.

The last few weeks things have been pretty hectic around our house and things have gotten a little out of balance so he told me last night we are going to re establish the balance in our house so I cannot disagree with him for the next week about anything no matter what he says I am to tell him Yes Sir.  This will be hard not that I argue with him a lot but I am use to being able to express my thoughts , feelings and opnions on any given matter.  Yet, at the same time I needed him to re-establish the power exchange in our house and to kind of reign me in as I had notice my tounge was getting sharper and was trying to pull myself in but just couldn’t seem to get a hold on it.

This morning I feel so at peace and secure.  I still am amazed at how this life really does workand how when you do things God’s way with the man running the house with love and care for those he is responsible for it works and things are peaceful and happy.  I need my husband to be strong enough to whip my bottom good.

Crazy People

Why is that some men just assume that because you are in a DD relationship that it automatically makes you under the authority of any and all men that you come into contact with.  When you refuses to submit to them they start creating issues and then your husband an email.  LOL!!!! Like he would spank me because I refused to obey another man, like he would just believe you without asking me and hearing what I have to say and most importantly like I haven’t been telling him what was going on from the very beginning.

These men are nuts and are using loving discipline as a excuse to run over women in general.  This is wrong and some of the worst kind of abuse women have to deal with.  Just because I choose to submit to my husband does NOT make me submissive to every man on-line who I come into contact with.  I am strong, powerful, intelligent woman and the last thing I need is some uneducated man that wants to call himself a top or a dominant trying to tell me how to run my life.  Then to go off on my and tell me that you refuse to submit to my authority because I don’t want to listen to you.  You are crazy.  I have never have asked you to submit to my authority and if you are soooo weak that a woman standing up to you and saying NO I have a husband and e is the only man I have to answer to sends you into a temper tantrum then you are no real man!!!

Blistered Bottom

So like the titled said in course of the last two days I have had my bottom blistered.  Last night I got stubborn about the spanking he wanted to give and it became a battle of wills.  I was not physically fighting the spanking but I was emotionally fighting it.  I was determined not to make sound or let him know how bad it was hurting.  So he spanked and then sent me to the corner then called me back and spanked some more.  I was still not crying at that point so he stopped and began rubbing my back and to be honest I was thinking HA HA I won this one.  Then he starts to reiterate what he was thinking and how my attitude and behavior was hurting the family!  Okay , not fair then he picks up the paddle and starts in again.  That’s when I break and finally start crying. So yes my bottom was well blistered last night and I am sitting very gingerly but biy I needed it.

Then this afternoon we were talking and I start putting myself down again.  So then he decides that I need to repeat a certain positive phrase about myself and I just couldn’t do it.  So what does he do? He gets out the paddle and proceeds o redden my bottom again.  I have a feeling that this may be a thing that happens often in the future as he wants me to start seeing myself in a positive light. Oh my poor red and sore bottom.

Yet I wouldn’t want it any other way, I need him to paddle me and to care what I think about myself enough that even when my bottom is already throbbing and very very sore he doesn’t hesitate to do it again if needed.

It’s Tough Being A Woman… In Another Womans Shadow

Have you ever thought about the other women in your life.  No matter who we are or where we live.  We all have at one point or another or maybe currently are living in another woman’s shadow.

Maybe it’s our mothers, whether or not we place our self there we will always be looking back to see are we doing it the same way she did it?  It doesn’t matter whether we had a good mother or a bad one, if she taught us about being a godly woman or not.  Always in our own minds we will be comparing ourselves to her.  Even if we don’t want to follow in her footsteps we will make decision based upon doing things differently then she would.

Maybe it an ex wife or girlfriend.  Even if our SO knows they don’t want to be with them and we know that they have chosen us and love us, do we not compare ourselves to them.  It could be in the way the cooked,dressed, took care of the home, treated him or even in the bedroom.  We want to be better at everything!

Maybe it’s a co-worker, a old school friend,a mother-in-law or a sister but we all have another woman whose shadow we live in.  So how do we deal with it?  I was talking at work the other day with a friend a he made a said “You do you and I’ll do me”  which has really stuck with me.  It was a Bible study he heard once and I have to say I have been looking for it.  Yet I think that one quote says so much.  God created you with special talents and ways of doing things that are just you.  So for the last couple of weeks whenever I have been thinking of those “other” women I remind me self to just do me because that’s all I can do.

I think for those of us that are spanked this can even be tougher because we want so much to be submissive and to please him.  Or even worse we look at the “other” women who may have been in his life who did not submit  or who played games with him and manipulated him.  Then we have a tendency to feel prideful over it which eventually leads to us falling flat on our face.

It’s Tough Being A Woman

So I have been going through the Bible Study by Beth Moore on Esther. It has got me to think about my title. I think no matter what kind of childhood you had, who you are marry to , what your job it or how many kids you have that it is tough to be a woman.

So I thought I would like to ask the question of those that read my blog, do you think it’s tough and if so why? and if not why?

For the next few days I will share what I think is tough about it and how God wants us to handle it.

My favorite things

1. The smell of J right before bed.
2. A good piece of dark chocolate.
3. The way he gets that look in his eye then calls me little one.
4. His arms around me.
5. The way he says no.
6. The way he says Yes.
7. The smell of fresh washed laundry.
8. The cleansed feeling after a spanking.
9. Knowing he is in charge.
10. Watching him with the boys.
11. Knowing he will spank me if he says he will.
12. the way he “pats” my bottom when I walk by.
13. The way he calls me “Mine”,
14. The way he holds me when i am crying.
15. The way he will stroke my head as he spanks.

Words

I wonder sometimes do we realize how much they hurt?  I mean not the ones said that are meant to hurt but the ones where someone is trying to explain what they are thinking and how they are feeling yet they cut to the core of the person they are talking to.

Do we pay attention to what we are saying.  In a relationship is it more important that you are heard then how your words may affect the person you are talking to?  Do you feel like you have the right to say whatever you are thinking regardless of how the other person feel about it.

How do you respond when they say something that hurts you?

Do you feel in a DD marriage that this dynamic changes at all?  How about the wife talking to the husband if he has done something to hurt her.  How does she bring it up without being disrespectful?  Sometimes it feels like no matter what he does to me that I need to only think happy thoughts towards him and that if there is anything other then that to express them is disrespectful and argumentative.  I think maybe it is just his pride is such that he can’t bear to hear that he has hurt me.  Yet, if I can’t share with him when he has and I can only exspress things he is cxomfortable with is this wy of life really a good thing?

Life

I was just thinking that if you would have asked me 5 years ago I would never had thought I would be spouting the benefits of submitting to your husband.  I also would never had guess that I would have been in the line of work I am in.  Yet I love where I am at right now.  So I guess what I am saying is that I just love life’s little surprises.  So where will 5 years who knows but I am excitied to see where it goes.

Resting in his arms

So I had an email sent to me telling me how crazy I am for letting him spank me and that I must be twisted.  Now I just had to laugh because I know that I am safer and more secure in my marriage then they are.  Sure he warms my bottom when I deserve it but he also spoils me to death when he’s not doing that.

I have a man who listens to me, caress me, takes time to do the little things I enjoy and basically spoils me to death.  Yes, he also is firm, tells me no when I need it, has rules and expectation for me.   I wouldn’t want to live any other way.

You see I know that for us this is a lifetime love, even in the hard times we don’t talk divorce yet my friends who think I am crazy are constantly worried “is he cheating?” , “what if he leave?”,”does he really love me?” and other things along that line.  I have none of those worries.

I am perfectly happy resting in his arms, even if it is with a sore bottom.

My first post

So this is my first time doing a blog.  So I will just take some time to introduce myself.  My name is C and I have been with my husband J for 5 years.  It is a second marriage for both of us but will be our last.  From the beginning we talked about submission but it was so much easier to just talk then to put it into practice.  A few months ago we decided to take the plunge and begin a full fledge CDD relationship.  Since then the changes have been dramatic.  Yes he has spanked me and yes it has hurt and I have cried, this is in a way secondary to the way our relationship has grown.

Before this I was unsecure in our relationship, worried that he was going to leave.  I felt alone and scared.  Now please don’t get me wrong I still loved him but did not feel special to him.  He was distant and unconnected.   Now when he feels disrespected or is upset with my behavior we handle it and we put it behind us.  I now have no doubt how much he loves me and that I am the most important thing in his life.  He takes time to talk to me and to listen.  Plus I make sure he feels respected.

The reason that I have been asked to start this blog is that we want to share what we have found.  I am not here to debate my lifestyle and our choice.  I am a strong, intelligent, very successful woman.  I am not weak willed, abused, brainwashed or part of a cult.  I choose to submit to his discipline and leadership because I believe that is what the Bible says.  Not because I am weaker or in any way less.

I have no idea how often I will post.  I just want to share our journey both good and bad

Crazy Train

Have you ever felt like you just took a ride on the crazy train?  I feel like I just did.  J did something tonight that really upset me now it’s something we have talked about before and he mentioned at lunch that he was thinking about it and I said okay.  Yet when I found out he did it I got very upset and some nasty things and basically got an attitude with him.

So when we got home he took me downstairs and gave me a pretty rough spanking.  Now you would have thought that would have solved the problem but NOPE!!  Then I got even worse now I got less vocal but then all of the sudden it felt like we were in this stupid power struggle with him trying to get me to follow and me try to get my way in anything I didn’t really care what I just needed to win.

Now did I win of course not but it evolved from one little thing to all of the sudden he never cares for me and I am unimportant ti him, none of which is true by the way so why did I go there?  Maybe it has to do with how much he has been working lately or my new job that I am not completley comfortable in yet? It could always be that I am just crazy?  Guess I’ll give it a little more thought the problem is now I feel awful for having taken the crazy train ride and wish I could figure out how to get off it a little quicker or better yet never get on it in the first place!

Needing Him

So I shared a bit about my crazy train last night.  Well after we went to bed for the night it just got worse and continued on into today.  He wanted to be gentle and love me out of what was going on and I needed him to be rough and to come down on me. I know that probably seems odd but it was just what I needed.  I need him to act like a bully and force me to comply to his way.  So I woke up this morning still feeling neglected and n0t cared for.  Well, I’m not sure what finally clicked in his head but after an hour and a half of the two of us arguing and accusations flying back and forth he finally just had me bend over place my hand on a table and spanked me while telling me how he had more then enough of this attitude.

So now I feel better I was in no way trying to get him to spank me at that point in fact it was the last thing I wanted yet once he did I feel so much better.

Hidden Desires

So I have these thoughts running through my head for awhile now.  Though I can talk to J about anything I just can’t seem to share these so I thought maybe if I put them here it might be easier to just ask him to read them.  Warning if you are easily offended or very prudish you should probably stop reading now.

I have fantasized about a man strong and dominate for most of my life one that would love me and be gentle but also not afraid of me or my temper.  I found one.  He is not afraid to paddle my ass when it is needed and trust me they hurt and I try to avoid them.  Yet when I am alone and my mind is fantasizing I can’t help but go back them and boy I get so turned on I almost can’t stand it.  They hurt and when he decides to spank I would do anything to get out of it or get it to stop.  So why are my nipples getting hard and my pussy starting to throb just writing this?

There I times I just want him to take me throw me down and use me!  I’m not sure how else to say it I dream about him spanking me until I am an absoulte sobbing mess then spreading my ass and driving himself into it and fucking me until I can’t move just dominating me and totally owning me.  Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me and sick about me.  I can’t tell him these thoughts because what if he rejected me and them or found the whole idea disgusting.  Yet how hot would it be to have him come home tell me to go to the bathroom put me on my knees and have me suck until he was hard then bend over the sink and use me.  I even dream about him cumming but not allowing me to.  They’re is just something so appealing about the idea of him owning me, making me his.

Well I have gone on enough but barely touched the tip of the iceberg on this subject for me.  I don’t think I am BDSM oriented yet why do I dream about this so much? And will I ever get the guts to share with him?

Just giving it to him

I realized a few days ago that I want to just give it all to him.  I know longer want to try and get my way but I want to just give up and rest in his care and protection.  Now I know this is easy to write but far harder to live out when the day to day life intrudes.

I go back to work on Monday and I am just praying that I will be able to hild on to this desire through getting the kids to school, working all day, coming home to take care of a family at night.  I just feel like the life we have built together sometimes interfers to much in my desire to be with him.

Cutting Ties

So today I had to cut ties with someone who I thought I was close with.  They turned on me.   I am feeling kind of down over it and wishing I could have found a way to fix it.  Yet I feel very thankful that I know J is by my side.  I was thinking about all the people I have lost in my life and how before DD I worried if he would be just another one who I would lose yet now in my submission, in the moment of my greatest weakness I feel more secure then any other time.

Why is that?  Why is it that turning my will over to his allows me to feel so secure?

Accepting

I know this is an issue that every woman is a DD relationship will face.  A situation arises, a decision has to be made, You talk and he listens to your opnion but chooses do it differently then you want.  Yet the only way it will work is for you to get on board with him.  So you tell him that you will follow his choice and do your best to make it work.  Yet, you are terrified and very unhappy.  So how do you accept it and do your best while feeling this way?

For me it has never really been a big deal in the past but this, THIS is different.  THIS could change our entire family, how interact, the way we live EVERYTHING!  It’s not a situation a spanking will fix.  It’s not something I either choose to obey or not obey but something I have to choose to accept.   I love J and am trying very hard and can see why he made the choices he made and I’m not angry.  I’m not happy either, yet that’s okay but how do I accept this and do my best when I am hating it and am miserable at it?